I like you, but please stop asking about my emotions.
1. When someone you don’t really know hugs you, it is just a nightmare.
You wish your skin came with an eject button.
2. Everyone seems to be sobbing at sad movies except for you.
I think I'm the only female that didn't cry at Fault In Our Stars..
3. People who demand that you talk to them about your feelings are the worst kinds of people.
To you, this is like people demanding to see your underwear.
4. When people tell you they love you, there is a good chance you will not know what to say back.
Or you end up saying something weird like “cool beans” or “I have to go.”
5. Dating feels like an overwhelming chore that you are forever avoiding.
Disney / Via giphy.com
I really would rather just do this later or never K THX BAI.
6. “Friends with benefits” is your all-time favorite relationship status.
Castle Rock Entertainment / Via giphy.com
It’s as easy as ordering a pizza (and sometimes they even bring pizza).
7. You have no idea why anyone would want to talk about “the state of their relationship” with anyone else.
You would honestly rather be questioned by the police.
8. You are pretty sure that you are impossible to flirt with.
9. Because you’re basically a robot, you are usually the person everyone looks to when there is a crisis.
Because you also have an honorary Ph.D. in not panicking.
10. But you have literally no idea what to say when people are crying.
ESPECIALLY when children are crying. At least you can give a crying adult a beer.
11. It’s almost impossible to pick a fight with you, because getting upset about nothing isn’t your thing.
Disney / Via giphy.com
Which somehow seems to make people even more mad.
12. If you have to talk about something serious or emotional, you prefer to do it with jokes.
For whatever reason, you get in trouble for this.
13. You fundamentally do not understand people who listen to their hearts all the time.
Your heart is terrible at thinking, that is why it isn’t your brain.
14. You avoid overly dramatic people like they are the plague.
NOPE. NOPE. NOT GONNA. CAN’T MAKE ME.
15. On the rare occasion that you do cry, it’s of vital importance that you escape before anyone finds out about it.
People seeing you cry = people then forcing you to tell them why you are crying = the only thing worse than crying.
16. Whenever anyone asks about your crushes or dating life, you change the subject immediately.
Mutant Enemy Productions / Via juzzodiac.tumblr.com
I will talk about almost anything but that.
17. It’s not that you’re bad at returning texts, it’s just that you’re terrible at it.
Building relationships isn’t really your strong suit.
18. People are always mistaking your silence for anger or sadness.
I’m not angry, I’m just trying to figure out if I want tacos for dinner.
19. Most people hate funerals because they are sad, but you hate funerals because they are so uncomfortable.
You just have no idea what you are doing.
20. Being forced to say anything really personal in front of a large group feels the same to you as having to pee in front of them.
How anyone manages to say wedding vows in front of everyone they know is a mystery to you.
21. There is no person you would rather cuddle with than yourself, in your own personal space.
22. You sometimes wish people would stop trying to draw you out, and just enjoy your company the way it is.