1. Your wonderful, tidy, rarely-sets-anything-on-fire housemate has decided to move out.
It’s like those evenings making chocolate-flavoured gin meant nothing.
2. On the bright side, maybe you’re going to find a new friend!
3. It’s time to put your ad online, on a totally-not-shady website.
Estate Agents have nothing on your liberal use of the word ‘cosy’
4. Make sure everyone knows about how good the location is. Which in reality, is not very good.
Central flat. Central adjacent flat. Transport links to central are adjacent. A short walk away. A long walk. I think there might be a bus, somewhere?
5. And the photos! Which might be worse…
Should I Instagram them? I should probably Instagram them
6. But you hit submit and then…it’s about to happen.
It’s going to get busy
7. EVERYONE IS MESSAGING YOU!
LITERALLY EVERYONE THERE CAN’T BE THIS MANY PEOPLE.
9. You come up with a foolproof system to stay on top of your viewings.
Until you forget part of it, and now nothing makes sense.
10. Viewings Day! Clean everything.
Or tactically re-arrange furniture to cover stains.
11. And then become increasingly aware that people are going to be judging you just as much as you’re judging them.
Let’s write down lots of questions to ask them. Or not, because this isn’t a job interview.
12. It’s fine, just have confidence, and everyone’s going to like you.
Or at least, have a reasonable facsimile of confidence!
13. So now it’s time to wait, while each appointment slowly cancels, or just doesn’t turn up.
Oh good, no-one knows how to use a watch. Or a phone, apparently.
14. But they start turning up! Smile, and give them a tour.
Cunningly avoid some of the little quirks. Like that everything works, just not at the same time.*
- Start to wonder why you’re not moving out as well.
15. Some potential flatmates have a different idea of fun to you.
17. Some of them are just a bit…off.
Please stop telling me about the things you keep in jars please.
18. And then some all turn up at the same time and it’s weird.
You could blame them for messing their times up…but it was probably you.
19. But then there are the good ones! Someone always has a really useful talent.
Oh you bake? Every day? I guess I can live with that.
20. Some you want to move in, but there are very good reasons they shouldn’t.
Though how badly could it go? Really?
21. But finally, the perfect person walks in the door.
This might end up being the best thing that’s ever happened to you!
25. Well, your second choice is probably fine as well.
They also seem to want to move in, which is an improvement.
26. So you help them move their mysterious furniture in, and they actually seem to be OK.
The future in your flat is totally looking up and WAIT THEY HAVE A SNAKE WHY?