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The Betchiest Halloween Movies


Betches love Halloween. The slutty costumes, the good-enough excuse to divulge in candy, and the parties with vodka are enough to drive a betch out of fall hibernation to put on her party face. While staying in on Halloween night breaks the commandments of being a betch, the nights leading up to Halloween were MADE for watching these Halloween faves.

Mean Girls (Duh.)

While this movie doesn’t have anything to do with Halloween, it’s a betchy movie staple. The Halloween holiday IS featured in the movie, in like the betchiest way possible. The Plastics do as betches do, dressing up as slutty animals. Quirky, yet-to-be-plastic Cady Heron goes for irony (a no-no in the betch community), dressing as “an ex-wife.”

The Addams Family

Because Wednesday Addams is a betch’s Halloween spirit animal. She pretty much hates everything, is completely cynical about any and every thing, and basically made wearing black everyday a thing.

Hocus Pocus

I don’t care how much Sarah Jessica Parker resembles a horse in this movie – you cannot deny how much of a betch-in-training little Dani is. And Max is a total 90’s hottie that will forever make watching Hocus Pocus a betchy Halloween activity. Also, Queen Betch Winifred makes this movie quotable and relatable.

Nightmare Before Christmas

This is a two-fer because you can watch it in preparation for Halloween and leave the DVD out for weeks on end until Christmas. Sally is a betch’s best friend – she’s super self-involved and really into whining about herself. She’s always looking on the dark side and refuses to see the light in any situation (that is until she falls in love and gets all mushy, but we’ll allow it for the sake of the holiday).

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